Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I wish...

Where to post oh where to I know just a few read it but those few are so precious to me so I will just post my heart here.

Sometimes I just want a redo. I mean I want to start at 17 and redo some things. I want to unmake bad decisions. I want to go to school. Get a great job. I want to marry Mitchell the love of my life in a huge church wedding done just the way I want. I want to save money, buy a house, then try to get pregnant and bring sweet little Sarah into this world. Then I want to enjoy being a mommy. I want to have handsome Colton. Then I want to start adopting children from all over this world. I want to have a house full of homeschooled children. I want to cook three meals a day and move to a farm like Mitch has always dreamed of. I want to be the mom of a huge family. I want to have family meetings and spend time teaching my kids the word of God instead of answering phones. That is where my heart is. Being mom. Being wife. I just feel so out of place sometimes. But I know that for now this is what our finances need. Me working. Me being mom and wife as much as I can but also being employee. I just wish that life could be different sometimes.

Don't get me wrong I am SO thankful! I praise God for my children and my wonderful job and my home. But I sometimes I just wish things were different.

Anyhow Wishing never did anyone any good so I will just make the best out of the way life has turned out, after all...I am sure there are those that wish that their life looked more like mine.

Lord, help me be what you would have me be. May I only be satisfied when you are.


Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Wind Blown Look

Well my Daddy should be happy...I took down all of the pink! He hated that pink blog, it really got on my nerves too but I had to leave it up for awhile after he said he hated it. Just because he's the Dad, I am the daughter and it's my job to annoy him!

I also added a different picture (Dad said I didn't look like "myself" in the old one.) Not sure about that but I went with one of my favorite pictures I was much younger in it plus I only had one set of stretch marks gracing my hips. Sarah was only a few months old. It was one of those fun pictures when it is just you and the love of your life. Mitch took the picture. My hair was in my eyes...I kinda like that windblown look. It means I was more concerned about living in that moment then how the picture might turn out.

There are plenty of moments when I have let the picture be more important than real life...I promise you I have said the words "stand still or I'm going to knock you into yesterday" to my son more than one time when we are trying to take pictures and he has other ideas! But when I think back on moments it is the less than perfect picture of a wonderful moment that I value the most.

I said all of that to say this I want my whole life to look windblown. But not windblown by physical wind or by the wind of change but I want my life to be windblown by the Holy Spirit. I love when things don't go how I want and a situation ends up so much better than I could have ever imagined. So many times the Holy Spirit blows my plans all over the place and I end up frustrated and upset. However if I can slow down and see that the one who made the wind is in control of every single thing in my life I love the way it feels to be in the moment with the True Love of my life!!!

Holy Spirit blow on me even if it means that my hair is out of place!


Friday, October 23, 2009

The PURPOSE is closer than ever!

Esther 4:14 For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

Wow I'm not ready to share here what is in my heart but this verse is just what I needed to read. I have come to the royal position as daughter of the King of Kings for such a time as this. I know that God is about to do awesome things in my life. I am willing and waiting for his hand to guide me. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Dirt to Destiny

I have been neglecting this blog a bit but that is because Operation Giggle is keeping me busier than I have words for! I do want to invite everyone to our Dirt to Destiny Women's Conference on November 14, 2009. It is called Behind the Veil "An intimate encounter with Jehovah". Sometimes the dirt of our past has us thinking that we can not enter into the Holy place with our Jehovah but He longs for an encounter with each one of us that will change us forever. Please feel free to email me as if you would like more information. Or click on the icon on the side of the screen and it will take you to our website. Click on Ministries and the womens conference will be the first page you see.

There will be great singing, speaking and worship! We would love to have you!

In Christ Alone,


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

He's an On Time God

Timing. I have none. I am late to EVERYTHING! My Dad always says I will be late to my own funeral...that is one thing I would like to miss altogether! Anyway I am so glad that my God has timing...perfect timing...impeccable timing. Even when I don't understand what the wait is all about or when I don't understand why my plans were all ruined. Even when I don't understand why I can't just get everyone (including Him) to do things my way...he is not rushed one bit, he is never late and he is not swayed by my jumping up and down telling him when and what to do. I don't understand how he puts up with me acting like an impatient two year old but somehow he knows me and loves me. When I listen to His voice I can reap the benefits of his timing.

The reason I was thinking about timing is because my best friend Tara, that I accompanied to China last year to pick up her daughter Nora, sent me an email today. She had gotten an email from her Adoption Agency it was a monthly update. It said that they were placing children with an LID of March 2006. Tara's LID was May 2006. That means that if she had not added her name to the Special Needs list she would still be waiting to get Nora. Of course Nora is worth the wait but the problem with that would have been that Tara's mom, Bunnie (see the post before this for more about her) passed away two weeks ago. If Tara hadn't followed God's leading and added her name to the Special Needs list then Bunnie would have never touched Nora or looked into her beautiful eyes. How many times do we miss something by a month, a week or a minute because of our disobedience? We should all challenge ourselves to obey God's will even when we don't understand why he tells us to do something. Just Do It! He has good plans for us...Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that. We need to just trust Him and obey Him in every situation. I praise God for His wonderful favor and impeccable timing in my life!!

Monday, September 21, 2009

I'm just me.

The last few months have been hard for me. I have been in a slump...or valley...or whatever you want to call it. It hasn't been constant. I have had mountain moments but overall I have felt far away, not just from God but from my family and even from myself if that makes any sense. I would like to begin the next sentence with "It all started when..." and give some example of some reason that this valley came to be but I can't do that. See it didn't happen overnight. It didn't occur one weekend. It was a slow fade. I was right in the center of God's will when I checked and then I got busy and distracted and looked up and realized I had moved...I was no longer at "the spot where the honey falls out" (as my Dad puts it.) I looked around and at first I thought where did you go God? Instantly I realized He never changes, He never leaves me, He never walks away. It's always me that moves. I hate being wrong, I hate being the one who messed up, the sinner. Oh I know that we all fall short of the glory of God but sometimes I feel like I do it better than anyone. Sin is sin and one sin is no bigger or smaller than another. So I don't mean that I commit "bigger" or "greater" sin than the next person. What I mean is that I find myself in sin so many times when what I long to do is serve God and please my heavenly father. My flesh is selfish. That is the main problem. I want to do what I want to do. I hate that part of me.

Paul said it best when he said: Romans 7:18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me." I want to be all God wants me to be. It took me a long time to say that. But now I truly do want what he has for me. But I know my God and he expects me to overcome sin with His grace and help. He wants me to stop giving in to "the sin that dwells within me". I am more than a conqueror through him. We all are.

Why is it important to keep striving to do what is right? Why is it important to fight against our sin nature? Because if we don't then we will live a defeated life. If we try to hide who we truly are from God then it is impossible to enjoy our life. My friend Bunnie died last Sunday. She had a long battle with cancer and through it all if I had to find one word to describe her it would be VICTORIOUS. She was not defeated and she didn't live her life like someone who was. She didn't hide who she was from God, she enjoyed her life. She loved her Christian walk. She loved to worship God and read her bible. She decided, with God's help, what was right for her. She didn't need anyone else to give her a long list of legalism to follow. (I pity any fool who might have tried!) She knew that her God loved her. All of her, not just the parts that were considered "Godly". He loved the part of her that liked to put on Motown and dance. He liked the parts of her that took her daughter on her first honeymoon after the wedding was called off and spent the week showing her that life was by no means over. He loved the part of her that none of us even knew about the parts of her that she might rather be left hidden. She loved Him and He loved her. That is the kind of life I want. I want to be me. Completely and totally me. I don't care if everyone likes me. I don't care if I fit your mold, I don't care if I offend the "religious". I know that to be accepted by God I don't have to be perfect, I just have to be me. I am going to enjoy being me. So who am I? I like to dance too...maybe not to Motown but some Seger will work. I love my kids, I love my husband. I love girls night's out with Tara. I love the color Pink. But most of all I love Him and He loves me. (pic above on right is Bunnie in high school)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Silence...they say it's golden. I think I agree. I have been at the beach for a couple of days now and when I sit on the balcony and look out over the beautiful beach and ocean I am amazed. It is so silent. But somehow in my soul it stirs up praise. I really wish I had my praise leader Pastor Larry here this morning leading praise by the pool. I think the natural beauty of this place coupled with the ability to spend uninterrupted time with my family (no jobs to run do or yard that needs mowed) has caused me to feel so very blessed. For me a natural part of feeling blessed is needing to praise God for it. You see nothing good or righteous in my life comes from me. I am a sinner by nature and pretty good at turning things that are supposed to be good in my life into negatives. So when something is as good, peaceful, and positive as this week it means that it's from him. So Praise God from who all blessings flow!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Pity, Pride, Pits, Traps, and Mud Holes

Ever been in a mud hole? Ever got out of a mud hole and felt that icky sticky stuff dry to your skin? It's pretty miserable isn't it? Well when you find yourself wallowing in a spiritual mud hole it feels about the same. I am a little upset with myself. We know the tricks and snares of the enemy but we fall into them time and again. I know that when I am praying for something for other people I should always look at myself first to see if I am lacking in the item of prayer. But still I find myself up to my neck in some sort of pity, pride, or sin and look around like how did I get here?! Well I have learned to recognize it pretty rapidly. At least I don't wallow in it for days at a time like I once did. However I wish I could just miss those pits, traps, and mud holes all together. I guess if I went long enough without winding up with a face full of mud then I would forget to be thankful for Grace. So I will continue to try to live out Philippians 3:13 and 14 and "forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead" I must "press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." I'll be the first to tell you that left to my own demise things would get bleak but I have a loving Father that I can pray to as Daniel did:

Daniel 9:17 Now therefore, O our God, listen to the prayer of your servant and to his pleas for mercy, and for your own sake, O Lord, make your face to shine upon your sanctuary, which is desolate. 18 O my God, incline your ear and hear. Open your eyes and see our desolations, and the city that is called by your name. For we do not present our pleas before you because of our righteousness, but because of your great mercy. 19 O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive. O Lord, pay attention and act. Delay not, for your own sake, O my God, because your city and your people are called by your name.”

I know that he will pay attention and act, praise God for HIS righteousness!!! He's got enough for us both!

Until next time...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Back to School

Well the school year is officially underway and as I often do at this time of year I want to spend a little time looking back. I can not believe how big Sarah and Colton are, it seems like just a few days ago when Sarah's preschool teacher came to the house to visit her and she cried because she didn't want to sit next to them for a picture.
Yesterday was the first half day of school they did great. (I know this picture is grainy but my camera is out of order so my cell had to do.) This morning I walked her into her first full day as a 4th grader and she hugged me went and put her stuff up and sat down. Where are the tears and the 1 more hugs? Colton walked into 2nd grade and did the same thing. I remember thinking I would be so glad when they were older and didn't cry for me. Now I am not so sure. I guess it did something for my ego to know that I was such an awesome mom they couldn't imagine being away from me for even a few hours. I guess that reality sets in even at 7 and 9.

So today was our first real day, they had school all day and I had to come to work for awhile. Things are going to be crazy for us for awhile. Mitchell is going back to school full time for work I am going to school full time and working full time and the kids are both in school. Thank God my Step-Mom is quiting her job soon. I don't know what I would do if she didn't "fill in" for me for the next few months. It's so good for the kids to have a routine for after school and I am glad I don't have to pay half my pay check for after school care. God's timing is impeccable. He has made a way for me to do what I need to do and still provided a loving, Christian environment for my kids to thrive in. (they aren't moving in or anything...despite their Mamaw Lene and Papaw Jack's best tries :) they are just going there after school and until one of us finally get home at the end of the day so they will be doing homework and stuff there.) Again I am so thankful for all of my family! My Aunt and my mom will be filing in when Lene is busy and of course Mitchell's Mom is a great back up too. We are truly blessed with family. I hope everyone else is having a great first week of school also! Until next time....

Friday, July 31, 2009


New Google feature: You can now become a "follower" on my blog using your Google, AOL, or Yahoo ID. You just click the Join this site link and use the information you would normally use to sign into your email. It's very simple and that way you can follow without having to get a blogger account. Have a great Friday!!

Top 10 reasons I love 07/31/09!

The top 10 reasons I love this day:

10. I am at a job I love.
9. I am listening to the Christian Music station that I love (J103).
8. I am drinking a French Vanilla Starbucks coffee.
7. I woke up on time.
6. It's Friday.
5. I am off for the next 5 count em...5 days!
4. I woke up in my right mind this morning, in a warm bed, and had running water to shower's the little things that make life so great!
3. I woke up next to my best friend and husband of over ten years with whom I can be myself and know that he loves me just as I am. I am completely smitten by him.
2. I have two wonderful healthy kiddos waiting to spend the next five days with their mom!
1. I have been bought and paid for by a Savior who knows me yet still loves me and the God of all the universe knows my name and calls me friend.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Amazed by John 3:16

I was listening to a local christian radio station this morning and the devotion was John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." The DJ was talking about how glad he is that it says "God so loved the world" not God so loved the rich person or God so loved the white man, or God so loved the thin person...God loves us all times.

Even in my worst moment the Father is completely in love with me. This is so hard for our minds to grasp. In our society people love everything...they love their car and their dog (look at the post before this) I even love my job. But real love...true love is a kind of love that does something for you that you can't do for yourself. Look at John 3:16 again it doesn't say God so loved the world that he told them so or God so loved the world that he had a fuzzy feeling when he saw them. It says "God so loved the world, that he gave his ONLY Son." God did something for me that I could not do on my own. He did something for you that you can't do on your own either. He became the propitiation for our sins. Propitiation (or the act of propitiation) simply means to gain or regain the favor or goodwill of (someone). So that means that Jesus Christ the blameless one took on the guilt and shame of our sins to regain the favor and goodwill of the father.

So I said all of that to say this: If you are drowning in disappointment over past or present failures know that John 3:16 is so much more than a Sunday School memory verse. It is the key that unlocks the chains that we put ourselves in God loves us so much that he did something for us we couldn't do, and just to prove it (because He knows we need him to speak plainly) he added John 3:17 "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him." Even though so many who claim to be "christian" may judge and condemn you for your sins, Christ himself was not even sent to condemn you he was sent to save you. Not only from hell but from yourself. So enjoy the awesome gift you have been given and live today knowing that Christianity is not a list of rules and regulations to follow but the freedom of knowing that the creator of this world is madly in love with you and that nothing you can do will change that. So when you fail all there is to do is repent and try again knowing you are still the apple of His eye!

I will leave you with one of my favorite verses Romans 8: 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

So blessed but...

Oh where to start? I love my job. I enjoy getting up and getting dressed up and going somewhere but it is more than just that. I like the people I work with. I like having my own space. I even like answering a million questions that a bank teller in Jersey has about her short term disability policy. I love my job. So what now?

Those of you who know me know that I don't sit still for long. My life is going great! I have a job I love. I am married to the love of my life. My kids are healthy!!! (Not even one breathing treatment in the last month). I have a wonderful church family. School is about to start for me and the kids and all of my school was paid for through grants and loans. Vacation is just a few weeks away...laying on the beach with my kids, my husband, and my whole (dad's side) extended family is just around the corner...but true to fashion I still have that sinking feeling something is missing. Ok so maybe not something but someone. You know what I am talking about if you know me at all. I want another child. I can't give birth to anymore. However my heart is just about to burst for another little one to love.

I am being patient. As patient as I know how to be. I am trying VERY HARD not to push the hub...although I havn't been able to resist the ocassional email or text of a beautiful little chinese girl. I haven't brought it up a million times or begged and cried...nope tryin to be adult about this and let him make his own decision. A great blog friend of mine gave me some advice. She said pray that God heals your heart or changes his. So that is my prayer. In the mean time I have found another way to give to the children of china.

I "met" Carrie click "here" for her blog. She works with a foster home in China. I read her blog and sat and cried for hours. I wanted to do something to help. I know I live in a small town and I can not go to China just because I want to. I have two children and a husband who depend on me and not to mention Sarah's Hope (a maternity home for unwed mothers) that we are trying to get off the ground. But I can do SOMETHING! After talking to Carrie I figured out that that something is a Operation Giggle. Click "here" for the blog that is not, I repeat, NOT, up and running as of yet (edited to add it IS I repeat IS up and running now!!!). I am working with Becky at Busy Mama Blog Design to get this blog up and running very soon. You can visit Becky's Blog Design page "here". All proceeds go toward her child's adoption costs.

Operation Giggle is going to be a Christmas Gift Drive for the 50 or so children at the foster home. I will be posting more information to the site just as soon as I can. Please be praying for God's leadership during this time. Until next time...


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

New Blog

Just so you know I am in the midst of sitting up a new blog it is I will let everyone know when I get it up and running.

I am working 40 hours a week at my new job and I LOVE it. I am so blessed to have found this job. I pray that I can be the employee I need to be and thrive at this company.

Please pray for me and my family as we take new steps of faith over the next few months.

Hope all is well!


Thursday, June 4, 2009

A Long Time Coming

Sometimes we have to wait, and wait, and wait, and wait. We don't always know what we are waiting on we just know that something good is on the way and until it arrives we must wait. That is the place I have found myself in for the last two years. Waiting. Not being lazy or standing still but actively waiting. I still had to be a mom and wife, I still volunteered at school, attended church, supported my friends, went back to school, but the whole time I was waiting. See I lost a job that I absolutely loved two years ago last month. I was heartbroken. I had been there several years and I never planned on leaving. When I lost the job I didn't think I would ever find another one that was as great as that job. I was hopeless. Or at least I thought I was! But this week almost 2 years to the date later I got a new job. A job I never imagined I would get. A job that pays more than I've ever made and that will allow me to still be in school and spend time with my children. This job was WORTH THE WAIT! I hope that I have learned a little patience from this time of waiting. I am not sure I have learned to wait gracefully but I do believe I have learned to wait like my nine year old does. Having spurts of gracefulness accompanied by regular bouts of whining and temper tantrums. Oh thank you Heavenly Father that you don't throw the marred clay away. Thank you that you rework me, and that even if my moments of thoughtlessness, even in my moments where my faith fails and my hope seems lost, you are by my side ready and waiting to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and mold them back into something you can use. I thank you, I praise you, and I honor you Heavenly Father for every good thing that you have placed in my life, even times of waiting!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

At War with Perfection

I hate Perfection. I hate the way it yells at me and reminds me how far away I am from it. I hate the way it seems to always be just a little outta my grasp...a little cleaner house, a little bit better behaved children, a little more loving husband, a lot thinner waist. Ughhhh! My dad tells me it's a disease. I am back in school and I have to have a 100 on everything. Not a 98 or 99...a 100. In my Math class I had this semester you could retake every test or quiz until you were satisfied with the grade I took every test until I made 100 but then when we got to the final I missed one and the instructor wouldn't let me retake it because I had a 100 on everything else and it wouldn't change my grade. An A is an A. It almost drove me to tears. What is this "disease" that drives me to try to attain the unattainable? I'll tell's sin. It's the sin of trying to "Earn" the gifts that God has given me. NEWS FLASH I don't deserve them and never ever ever will! The only thing that has made me Worthy is His blood applied to my heart.

I am so imperfect. I have SUCH an imperfect past...oh how my heart longs for one of those big erasers that would just erase everything I've done to sabotage myself and my heart. I would love to take the people that have broken my heart and just blot them out of my memory. But that is not possible and even if it were it wouldn't be wise to do because the mistakes I've made are what made me who I am today. How would I ever know what a great husband I have if I hadn't been in some really BAD relationships? How would I know the value of a friend if I hadn't lost a few, How much would I depend on undependable people if they had never shown me their true colors.

This week I was told that someone whom I trusted shared somethings about my past that I NEVER wanted anyone to know. At first I was mad, then hurt, but finally I realized that I can not guarantee that the details of my past will never be shared. But one of my favorite verses says:

John 8:7 And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. 9 But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him.

My accusers may not have to make up one thing about me to say something bad, it may all be true but Christ himself said that only those without sin can cast the first stone. Time and time again I hear accusers speaking in my ear and time and time again Christ steps in and the stones fall and I am left alone standing before Jesus. I have only one thing to say to all those accusers. I'M NOT WHO I WAS! God has changed me. He has done something in me that I could never ever do on my own! He broke the chains that the devil put me in so long ago. He broke addictions and he broke generational curses that were on my life. I am FREE! Free from my imperfection, Free from your accusations, and Free to do what God calls me to do without fear of my past being exposed. Sin is sin and the sins of my past and my present are no worse then everyone else's. The devil loves to make us all believe that we are the worst of the worst but the truth is we are all equally sinful without the grace of God. It's time for Christian people to stand up for each other not against each other. We need to realize that Satan is the enemy and allow each other to be Free to be who they are!

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Sunday, March 15, 2009


Well it is 11:49 p.m. and I am at war. You might think well how are you at war if you are on the computer. Let me just tell you how! I have had an issue with fear my entire life. I mean a BIG issue with fear. I have let the enemy push me around and every time he has said Boo I have jumped but NOT ANYMORE!

I am claiming Psalms 91 here it is personalized for my family.

Psalm 91
My Refuge and My Fortress
1(The Roe Family) who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.2(The Roe Family) will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3For he will deliver (The Roe Family) from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.4He will cover (The Roe Family) with his pinions, and under his wings (The Roe Family) will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.5 (The Roe Family) will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
7A thousand may fall at (The Roe Family’s) side, ten thousand at (The Roe Family’s) right hand, but it will not come near (The Roe Family).8(The Roe Family) will only look with (our) eyes and see the recompense of the wicked.
9Because (The Roe Family) have made the LORD (The Roe Family’s) dwelling place— the Most High, who is (The Roe Family) refuge10 no evil shall be allowed to befall (The Roe Family), no plague come near (The Roe Family’s) tent (or house).
11 For he will command his angels concerning (The Roe Family) to guard (The Roe Family) in all (The Roe Family’s) ways.12On their hands they will bear (The Roe Family) up, lest (The Roe Family) strike (‘s) (their) foot against a stone.13(The Roe Family) will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent (The Roe Family) will trample underfoot.
14"Because (The Roe Family) holds fast to me in love, I will deliver (The Roe Family); I will protect (The Roe Family), because (The Roe Family) knows my name.15When (The Roe Family) calls to me, I will answer (The Roe Family); I will be with (The Roe Family) in trouble; I will rescue (The Roe Family) and honor (The Roe Family).16With long life I will satisfy (The Roe Family) and show (The Roe Family) my salvation."

With all of these promises I have no reason to worry. The devil is mad. He is mad that my family loves GOD and believes in JESUS! But Greater is He that is within me then he that is in the world. This home belongs to CHRIST and HE IS ALL WE NEED.

The enemy has tried several scare tactics already tonight...fear, terror, shame, a bug...eww...but no matter what he tries I know that my VICTORY was won by Jesus way back on Calvary...the hard part for a weak human is walking it out but, when I am weak HE (God) is strong so I am not depending on my strength to get me through this I know the strength of MY SAVIOR is enough to win this war! God Bless You All!

Saturday, January 17, 2009


I'm not finished. I am not finished on so many levels. I am not finished growing as God's child. I am not finished being an awesome wife. I am not finished being a mother...I want more kids. God has so many children out there that need a mom and dad and we have more love and more life left in us. I am not finished being a student, I will get my turning back. I am not finished in my finances. Things are hard right now...I have been looking for a job forever but one is on the way. There will be a time when this will seem like a distant memory...just a time that God wanted to show his strength in my weakness. But the main thing that I just want everyone to know is I'm not finished and I believe God's word in Philippians 1:6 the bible says: God began doing a good work in you, and I am sure he will continue it until it is finished when Jesus Christ comes again (NCV). He is the one who has begun the "good work" in me and I know that he will...not maybe or could...but will finish it!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Restless but Waiting.

Have you ever felt God moving way down in a place you didn't even know existed inside you? Have you ever heard him whisper something so quietly in your spirit that it's almost indiscernible? That is what I am going through now. Change is coming. I feel it, I hear it, I taste it and I smell it. The only thing left is to see it. Just like you can hear a train whistle from miles away and feel the track rumble under your feet when it's still outta sight...I know God's on his way. I trust you God. Even though I don't know where you're leading. I am yours, my marriage is yours, my children are yours (thanks for letting me borrow them they are one of my favorite parts of this life), my job (or lack thereof) is yours, my house is yours, my car is yours, it's all yours. I am feeling restless now...I truly believe that this restlessness doesn't come from discontentment but from my spirit being stirred by your holy hands. God I don't want to be led away by counterfeit opportunities please give me and Mitchell discernment during this time. Give us direction Dear Father....and make it plain so that we can understand and do your will.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

While I'm Waiting

I love the song by John Waller "While I'm Waiting". I heard it a few months ago when my friend Kesha played it before a Sunday School lesson. The last few months I have been stuck in a time of waiting. Basically I need a J-O-B. When I say need I don't mean I would like to have or we could use the money...I mean I am in need of a job. We are really struggling. I know that the same thing can be said by people all over this country right now. Everyone is looking for a job it seems. I have tried to be patient. I have submitted applications and resumes left and right. But I am just not getting call backs. I don't really understand what is going on. Except that God has the perfect job for me and I have not crossed paths with it yet. So I continue to wait. I am trying to take every step in obedience. I am trying not to get discouraged. I am trying not to believe the lies of the enemy that God has forgotten me and my needs. I am trying not to think about what we will do to pay the bills and buy the groceries in the coming weeks. I am trying to just wait patiently, do my part and let God do his. I fail often. I have moments when I just burst into tears out of frustration. I have moments when I can feel the breath of God on me and I know that he is for me and not against me. So I choose to continue waiting...taking every step in obedience...while I'm waiting. Please Lord act soon...but if not...send me comfort...While I'm Waiting!