I hate Perfection. I hate the way it yells at me and reminds me how far away I am from it. I hate the way it seems to always be just a little outta my grasp...a little cleaner house, a little bit better behaved children, a little more loving husband, a lot thinner waist. Ughhhh! My dad tells me it's a disease. I am back in school and I have to have a 100 on everything. Not a 98 or 99...a 100. In my Math class I had this semester you could retake every test or quiz until you were satisfied with the grade I took every test until I made 100 but then when we got to the final I missed one and the instructor wouldn't let me retake it because I had a 100 on everything else and it wouldn't change my grade. An A is an A. It almost drove me to tears. What is this "disease" that drives me to try to attain the unattainable? I'll tell you...it's sin. It's the sin of trying to "Earn" the gifts that God has given me. NEWS FLASH I don't deserve them and never ever ever will! The only thing that has made me Worthy is His blood applied to my heart.
I am so imperfect. I have SUCH an imperfect past...oh how my heart longs for one of those big erasers that would just erase everything I've done to sabotage myself and my heart. I would love to take the people that have broken my heart and just blot them out of my memory. But that is not possible and even if it were it wouldn't be wise to do because the mistakes I've made are what made me who I am today. How would I ever know what a great husband I have if I hadn't been in some really BAD relationships? How would I know the value of a friend if I hadn't lost a few, How much would I depend on undependable people if they had never shown me their true colors.
This week I was told that someone whom I trusted shared somethings about my past that I NEVER wanted anyone to know. At first I was mad, then hurt, but finally I realized that I can not guarantee that the details of my past will never be shared. But one of my favorite verses says:
John 8:7 And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. 9 But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him.
My accusers may not have to make up one thing about me to say something bad, it may all be true but Christ himself said that only those without sin can cast the first stone. Time and time again I hear accusers speaking in my ear and time and time again Christ steps in and the stones fall and I am left alone standing before Jesus. I have only one thing to say to all those accusers. I'M NOT WHO I WAS! God has changed me. He has done something in me that I could never ever do on my own! He broke the chains that the devil put me in so long ago. He broke addictions and he broke generational curses that were on my life. I am FREE! Free from my imperfection, Free from your accusations, and Free to do what God calls me to do without fear of my past being exposed. Sin is sin and the sins of my past and my present are no worse then everyone else's. The devil loves to make us all believe that we are the worst of the worst but the truth is we are all equally sinful without the grace of God. It's time for Christian people to stand up for each other not against each other. We need to realize that Satan is the enemy and allow each other to be Free to be who they are!