Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I wish...

Where to post oh where to I know just a few read it but those few are so precious to me so I will just post my heart here.

Sometimes I just want a redo. I mean I want to start at 17 and redo some things. I want to unmake bad decisions. I want to go to school. Get a great job. I want to marry Mitchell the love of my life in a huge church wedding done just the way I want. I want to save money, buy a house, then try to get pregnant and bring sweet little Sarah into this world. Then I want to enjoy being a mommy. I want to have handsome Colton. Then I want to start adopting children from all over this world. I want to have a house full of homeschooled children. I want to cook three meals a day and move to a farm like Mitch has always dreamed of. I want to be the mom of a huge family. I want to have family meetings and spend time teaching my kids the word of God instead of answering phones. That is where my heart is. Being mom. Being wife. I just feel so out of place sometimes. But I know that for now this is what our finances need. Me working. Me being mom and wife as much as I can but also being employee. I just wish that life could be different sometimes.

Don't get me wrong I am SO thankful! I praise God for my children and my wonderful job and my home. But I sometimes I just wish things were different.

Anyhow Wishing never did anyone any good so I will just make the best out of the way life has turned out, after all...I am sure there are those that wish that their life looked more like mine.

Lord, help me be what you would have me be. May I only be satisfied when you are.