Posted Thursday September 18th
I guess most people might have put this blog under the Religion catagory but I couldn't bring myself to do that. Because I hate religion and I love relationship...the relationship that I have with my Lord and Savior far out ways any doctrine or any denominational ties that I may have...I guess what I am saying is that my relationship is my life...in Him I live and move and have my being...without him I am completly void of hope.
My theme song right now is on my myspace profile here are the lyrics:
You turned water into wine - how extraordinaryGave sight to the blind - and still I carry My own load when you told me To take your yoke 'cause yours is easy And I don't wanna box you in You've been doing big things since the world beganSometimes I just don't wanna believeThat you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah! I don't wanna box you in You've been doing big things since the world beganSometimes I just don't understand that you're big enoughBut you're big enough Jesus You turned darkness into light - keep my lamp burning And you are my everything There's no denying, your love is so amazing And even though my problems seem typical Nothing for you is ever too difficult You never have reservations - love without limitations And I don't wanna box you in You've been doing big things since the world beganSometimes I just don't wanna believe That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah! Oh, no matter how I try to get around it - I'm reminded Wherever I go I'm totally surrounded It's all about you - I can never doubt you Even if I wanted to…And I don't wanna box you in You've been doing big things since the world beganSometimes I just don't wanna believe That you're big enough - but you're big enough yeah! Oh how true those words are and how true God is proving himself to be. I can't go into detail right now like I want to I will post another blog about this when I get home but basically I am in a country that the majority do not share my beliefs. If I were to share them with others I could be imprisoned or at best sent home immediatly. I just look in peoples eyes and see that their soul is dark. I feel as if my hands are tied. My calling is burning inside me to tell others what I have. But I also feel his hand holding me back...Chris sent me a text a few weeks ago and it said "Listen when u go to China, ask God for his eyes. When he rips ur heart out bc u see what he sees, don't lose that through the worries of life here. Keep his sight." When I got that text i thought ok, easy. I will ask for his sight he'll show me lots of hurting orphans, I will pray for them but I don't have the money or room to adopt so I will tell others and God will use my experience to help bring people here to adopt. WRONG. Sure the children broke my heart and I would love to bring 10 of them home but the thing that breaks my heart worse is the 80 year old man I saw in the shopping square just a few years left on this earth and he may not have the gift that I do in my heart...I know our heavenly father gives everyone a chance. The Bible gives us that promise but think of how hard it is for us to give in to his will and follow the ABC(C) directions and we live right in the buckle of the bible belt. What if I didn't have Fairview or my family or Joyce and Melissa what if I couldn't call Chris and have him agree with me in prayer. What if I couldn't take my kids to church three times a week...would they have even been saved? Would I be able to be pleasing in his sight? I am afraid to answer those questions. Please join me in asking our Father to show me what he would have me do with this new vision. I have no clue what he is doing here but I know it feels as if he is breaking me in a way I didn't know I needed to be broken....that's just the way he is...like the song says He's been doing big things since the world begin...and I know he's big enough...and I don't wanna box him in...matte of fact I think I will just throw away the box.