He's an On Time God

Timing. I have none. I am late to EVERYTHING! My Dad always says I will be late to my own funeral...that is one thing I would like to miss altogether! Anyway I am so glad that my God has timing...perfect timing...impeccable timing. Even when I don't understand what the wait is all about or when I don't understand why my plans were all ruined. Even when I don't understand why I can't just get everyone (including Him) to do things my way...he is not rushed one bit, he is never late and he is not swayed by my jumping up and down telling him when and what to do. I don't understand how he puts up with me acting like an impatient two year old but somehow he knows me and loves me. When I listen to His voice I can reap the benefits of his timing.

The reason I was thinking about timing is because my best friend Tara, that I accompanied to China last year to pick up her daughter Nora, sent me an email today. She had gotten an email from her Adoption Agency it was a monthly update. It said that they were placing children with an LID of March 2006. Tara's LID was May 2006. That means that if she had not added her name to the Special Needs list she would still be waiting to get Nora. Of course Nora is worth the wait but the problem with that would have been that Tara's mom, Bunnie (see the post before this for more about her) passed away two weeks ago. If Tara hadn't followed God's leading and added her name to the Special Needs list then Bunnie would have never touched Nora or looked into her beautiful eyes. How many times do we miss something by a month, a week or a minute because of our disobedience? We should all challenge ourselves to obey God's will even when we don't understand why he tells us to do something. Just Do It! He has good plans for us...Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that. We need to just trust Him and obey Him in every situation. I praise God for His wonderful favor and impeccable timing in my life!!

I'm just me.

The last few months have been hard for me. I have been in a slump...or valley...or whatever you want to call it. It hasn't been constant. I have had mountain moments but overall I have felt far away, not just from God but from my family and even from myself if that makes any sense. I would like to begin the next sentence with "It all started when..." and give some example of some reason that this valley came to be but I can't do that. See it didn't happen overnight. It didn't occur one weekend. It was a slow fade. I was right in the center of God's will when I checked and then I got busy and distracted and looked up and realized I had moved...I was no longer at "the spot where the honey falls out" (as my Dad puts it.) I looked around and at first I thought where did you go God? Instantly I realized He never changes, He never leaves me, He never walks away. It's always me that moves. I hate being wrong, I hate being the one who messed up, the sinner. Oh I know that we all fall short of the glory of God but sometimes I feel like I do it better than anyone. Sin is sin and one sin is no bigger or smaller than another. So I don't mean that I commit "bigger" or "greater" sin than the next person. What I mean is that I find myself in sin so many times when what I long to do is serve God and please my heavenly father. My flesh is selfish. That is the main problem. I want to do what I want to do. I hate that part of me.

Paul said it best when he said: Romans 7:18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me." I want to be all God wants me to be. It took me a long time to say that. But now I truly do want what he has for me. But I know my God and he expects me to overcome sin with His grace and help. He wants me to stop giving in to "the sin that dwells within me". I am more than a conqueror through him. We all are.

Why is it important to keep striving to do what is right? Why is it important to fight against our sin nature? Because if we don't then we will live a defeated life. If we try to hide who we truly are from God then it is impossible to enjoy our life. My friend Bunnie died last Sunday. She had a long battle with cancer and through it all if I had to find one word to describe her it would be VICTORIOUS. She was not defeated and she didn't live her life like someone who was. She didn't hide who she was from God, she enjoyed her life. She loved her Christian walk. She loved to worship God and read her bible. She decided, with God's help, what was right for her. She didn't need anyone else to give her a long list of legalism to follow. (I pity any fool who might have tried!) She knew that her God loved her. All of her, not just the parts that were considered "Godly". He loved the part of her that liked to put on Motown and dance. He liked the parts of her that took her daughter on her first honeymoon after the wedding was called off and spent the week showing her that life was by no means over. He loved the part of her that none of us even knew about the parts of her that she might rather be left hidden. She loved Him and He loved her. That is the kind of life I want. I want to be me. Completely and totally me. I don't care if everyone likes me. I don't care if I fit your mold, I don't care if I offend the "religious". I know that to be accepted by God I don't have to be perfect, I just have to be me. I am going to enjoy being me. So who am I? I like to dance too...maybe not to Motown but some Seger will work. I love my kids, I love my husband. I love girls night's out with Tara. I love the color Pink. But most of all I love Him and He loves me. (pic above on right is Bunnie in high school)